ooolala... bought two new tees today. hopefully my mom won't freak out by my choice of clothes. but i just couldn't resist it. it was screaming my name! i could practically hear it shout "SU RIN!!! I'M WAITING FOR YOU HERE!!! COME BUY ME!!!" i swear! and i did just that. and now i'm broke. but oh well. it was worth it. hmm... i would actually like to know why i'm obssessed with the songs they sung during mass on the 28th. i'm listening to the prayer now. someone had to send it to me and now i'm stuck listening to it. i'm a sucker for duets. i just love them. why? i have no idea. i just like <3 <3 them. i wish i can sing a duet next time. okay, i'm high now. too much caffiene probably. i just told reginia what i would like for my part-time job next time. have my name published in black and white *the newspapers*, swimsuit model? rollerskating waitress. oh wait! i don't know how to roller skate! LOL.
tomorrow's halloween!! do you know what that means? right! trick or treating in the states. i wish i could do that too! but i doubt that the singaporeans would appreciate it if i knocked on their door and said "trick or treat." they'd probably tell me to scram or threaten me with the cops. LOL. then they'd be like "think what?! this america is it?" haha. i went to escape to "celebrate" it. not really, i just needed to get rid of some free tickets that were expiring today. so me and my friend went and we had to take care of the "big girls", or at least that's who they claim they are. guessed it? yes, it's my sister and her friends. haha. had loads of fun. went into the haunted house and i screamed ice cream, or at least until we got out. and i was gripping my friend's hand so tight i think i cut off her blood circulation. then i think my friend grabbed someone's hair. hilarious no? i went to see what was in stored for me in my future in the tarrot cards reading thing, and they told me i had to focus and must have clarity in what i want to be when i grow up or something like that. i was there for like four hours and i think i spent 45 minutes in burger king and orange julius. but i liked the viking ship ride most. wind in my hair and all. and the yakult ride broke down and we all couldn't ride it. awww. :( they had this like "most eerie laugh" contest or something. and the contestants were all 6-8 years old and all. SO CUTE!!! only two people were over 16. all in all i had a super fun day. can't wait for the next halloween!
today i went to one big barbeque - obb - and it was so fun!!! this kickstarts the first day of the holidays. bang bang! i got a lecture from my dad after i left, i still have yet to find out why. tomorrow is escape day! okay, that was lame. i meant that i'm going to escape tomorrow. OH NO! i think i'll have to babysit the munchkins. i hope not. my mom'll be there though so i hope she'll leave me alone to take the rides. i wanna drive the go-kart! 1.47 metres and above can drive! i'm like 1.48 metre+, so i'm eligible! finally, can practise for the big one-eight. haha! then when i take my driving test i'll be a pro! :P
okay, so today is the last day of the school year. got back my report books. *bleah* my dad was like comparing all my grades. but he didn't scold *phew* big whoop for the holidays! let's shout it to the world!!! HOLIDAY SPIRIT IS IN THE HOUSE!!!
Here we are so what you gonna do
gosh! it's like what? two days? and i'm still sick!!! i was coughing like mad during everything. i think my dad will bring me to the doc's today. and hopefully the doc can give me a m.c!!! i don't exactly want to spend my whole afternoon in the music room sitting down feeling bored! not that i don't like choir, but i just don't see the point of going if i can't sing!
i lost my voice yesterday. somebody help me find? it must be on the floor somewhere. i feel empty without my voice. something in me is not complete without my voice there to talk, sing, even my laugh sounded weird! i can't sing!!! i don't think that you'll even begin to realise the full impact of it. i need to shout and i can't. i wish the night would last forever. to be swallowed in the darkness of the night, to be forgotten as others are immersed in their prayers. *sigh* choir was boring. probably because i did nothing but sit and doodle on paper. i can't sing but i still have to go for practice in case i am able to "learn" anything new. so my only other option is to let words be my voice now. not spoken words but typed-out words. a better reason to go on the computer more - "mummy, i need to speak online! that's the only way i can speak now that i lost my voice!" so i'll let my words do my talking now.
words. deceptive aren't they? the darkest and most foul things that could ever be. helpful as it is, it can be dangerous when misused. i've misused my share of words too many times to count already. they can be misinterpreted, abused, reused and - oh look at the humour of this - it can be abusing copyrights too. haha, now that's a laugh. no one owns any words. they all belong to well, the person who invented the alphabet. mr alphabet perhaps? haha, that's a laugh. can anyone tell me what's wrong with me lately? *looks if anyone has raised hand* i just don't feel right all of a sudden, as if everything i'm doing is wrong. i think (well, at least my mom thinks) that it's due to my lack of sleep. psh. how absurd is that?! "your lack of sleep is affecting your immunity against minor illnesses sweetie, you should sleep more." qoute from mom. well, how am i supposed to sleep more if i've got so much work to do? for me and for you. haha. i know what you're gonna say. your exams' over. but my school isn't exactly over right? i just don't know anymore. why can't i not know? i'm not used to this strange feeling of not knowing.
okay. NEWS FLASH! i've changed my URL. but of course if you didn't know my URL you wouldn't be here reading this so... yeah. some busybodies are wondering why teencritique though, am i right? i WAS aiming for thecritique or thecritic but it seems that it was already taken :( sad, i know. so the next best thing would be teencritique! simple as that. due to the fact that i only turned thirteen last friday. i was wondering what critique meant. from the oxford dictionary it meant: noun. critical essay. so i felt critical at that time. i felt like lashing out my tongue at whoever tried to disagree with me. hence the name teencritique. haha. my mom thought it was hilarious that i wanted to put this blog URL up. YES. my folks do know that i have a blog. TIP! never bring up the blog subject among them. they'll give you a lecture on why you shouldn't have a blog just in case other races take an offence against what you said and all. yadiyada. like i would even think about talking bad about other races! had a GREAT saturday. spent the whole night in the national library (the new central one). it is totally fab! i got lost trying to find the main library. and they called han's a cafe. that was a laugh! it seemed more to me a restuarant than a cafe. but of course, when someone says cafe, my mind immediately pictures cute tables for two in the heart of paris or something beside a canal where all the artists are stationed with their stands and painting. LOL.
sometimes i get so angry with myself for being so impatient and just dumb! urgh! i can't believe that i actually missed the first half hour of goblet of fire. what was i thinking? going to play the computer in the middle of watching the third movie?! *bleah* i'm mentally berating myself now for my stupid mistake. i've always known that all bad things come in threes, and this is no exception. first bad thing: i had a bad friday. next on the sixteenth, i stupidly missed that preview. then of course, the last bad thing: i fought with two of my friends. and the weird part was that it rained after that. three days - or was it two? - of heavy rain. and now the sun's back up again. is that supposed to be an omen? do all good things come in threes too? first good thing: i made up with one of my friends. second good thing: i'm going to escape with my sister and my folks said that i could invite one friend to go with me. so now i'm here waiting patiently for the third good thing.
a rose is a rose by any other name, it could relate to me. there are lots of names for me - chipmunk, radio, sushi etc. but it all comes down to the same name right? su rin. me. just like a rose, they assume everything from its outwards appearance. a beauty to behold, perfect in every way. yet you can only look at its beauty from afar, whoever who tries to get too close to it just gets hurt. so is that the same with me? i just realised that some thought i was perfect. but to be perfect is to be nobody. and if i were a nobody how would you have come to know me? the rose isn't perfect. its thorns cut. i'm not perfect either, i wound too. my wounds will grow deep into my heart, acting as snake's poison. it's not the matter of worrying whether no one will understand; it's just that the situation at handhas gotten too complicated, i don't even know how to explain it anymore. i made the mistake of spilling it out to one person already, i'm not going to do it again.
you'd think that after almost a week - six days to be exact - that i'd be over it. but no, i'm just trying to convince myself otherwise. i'm living in a deadly world filled with lies trying to pretend everything's dandy. but the truth is, it's not. everything's not dandy. in fact everything i've worked so hard for is falling apart. the stitchings i've weaved all these years are coming apart. making them bare and thin as they once were. i'm still standing strong, but who knows for how long more? i can't take it anymore, these voices in my head are incessant. urgh! am i destined to walk alone on the face of the planet forever? maybe i'm just too afraid to open up. i never have. only in those days when i was naive. i have no idea why it's hard for me to trust. will they actually understand me? i never thought so. their lives were like an old oak tree - strong yet stable rooted at the same spot. me? my life was one with the wind. following wherever it took me. and now i'm here, with cold numbness in my body.
debate was uber fun today! it actually helped me think straight and intelligently after exams for the first time. LOL. i guessed it just made me stop thinking about other stuff. the proposition team won today. (: *sigh* there's choir tomorrow. i'm not too sure if i'm liking it or dreading it. haha. i wish that our debate topic really came true in school. then if the proposition wins, we'll be using our handphones in school for "educational purposes". haha. now that would be a real laugh. i wish something would enter my mind and sweep me off my feet. gonna be uber busy during the holidays, that's for sure. wonder what i'll get for christmas?
it's a sighing day today. sick with some unknown illness that's making me well, sick. on top of all that, they think we could just be friends after all they've done. what crap. *rolls eyes* i feel as if a stampede of elephants have just trampled over me. because i'm definitely NOT going to be trampled over. forgiven? i don't think so. i felt so invisible to them. and when they're done with MY playthings they'll just throw it back at me and prance back. then they get bored and notice i'm there. "oh you're not hyper today. are you angry?" typical, first question - first words - they ever say to me today was are you angry. how ridiculous is that? of course i'm angry. why else would i ignore you the whole day. and then comes the bombshell. "why are you angry? it's not as if we did anything wrong." spoken like a true liar. i wouldn't get angry for nothing now, would i? so let THEM ask themselves the real question here. did you REALLY do nothing? or did you do something which you thought i might have tolerated? the little girl whom you can always pick and tease on right? so typical. well, NEWS FLASH! i am NOT that girl. i'm just more tolerating than others. but there is always that point where you've gone too far and this time you've done it. you've pissed me off too much. i'm utterly repulsed by your behaviour.
in honour of your birthday, j***,
today wasn't just any day. it was an EXTRAORDINARY day! first of all, it was extraordinary because it was my birthday. LOL. and to top it all off, it marks the end of the exams too! wooo! two-in-one deal! sweet! i just have to demand now, WHERE'S MY TEN TESTIMONIALS PAYAL??? choo choo train. LOL. i just LOVE the month of october, especially since there are SO many birthdays in october. oh yeah, my birthday's in that month too! i could do a million crazy things now! like sing a song in the middle of orchard road. payal, cheryl, filzah and me played truth and dare while waiting for orals. NEVER EVER CHOOSE DARES WITH THEM!!! they make you do ridiculous stuff. lift people's skirt, kiss people of the same gender, talk to a chair and say i love you to it etc. BIG THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR MAKING IT A SPLENDID THIRTEEN!
why is it that we wait 365 years just for that incredible 24 hours? wow. i'm pouring with advanced birthday wishes, good lucks for exams and happy holidays right now. i'm just too stunned to talk. so i'll type. i can't believe that you actually remembered. i thought you had forgotten, i had forgotten my own. and yet, you still reminded me of the friendship we had afew years before. it seemed like an eternity ago. we separated, stopped calling each other. and yet you still remembered. how nice of you to do that. you brought the memories back today, it was just like a walk down memory lane. so thanks to you. i just want you to know, i still can remember you too.
i can't believe it! i actually forgot when my birthday was! i think the exams must be messing with my mind cause i was definitely NOT like that last year. in fact, i started counting down two months earlier to my birthday. but what about this year? i'm treating it like an ordinary day. it may be an ordinary day, but guess what? it's MY extraordinary day. nothing can beat the pleaseure of turning thirteen. to know full well that you are an official teen. WOW. and to think i was waiting for this moment since i found out the difference between teens and kids. completely unbelievable. last year, i was full of life, reminding everyone that my birthday was coming. and now, i couldn't care less. WOW. my mom was right, i really HAVE changed. and my mom actually made a joke out of it and said that it was better for me to forget my birthday so that she didn't need to buy me a gift. like i'll really forget it? the four most important years of my life will be: when i turn thirteen (this year), when i turn sixteen (2008), when i turn eighteen (2010) and finally when i turn twentyone (2013). the most important years of my life. i become a teenager at thirteen. there's something special about being sixteen but i can't remember it, eighteen's when you're legal and twenty one's when you're free. i'll be waiting for that great two-one. should i start counting down now? LOL.
she was barely telling the truth, though her mouth told no lies. she was merely leaving out important details. she was a charlatan, she was. a poser who could only weave lies. though what she was saying was not really lies, it had, more or less, the same value as one. she was barely there. she just existed in this world, barely living it. her mind weaved lies in a spilt second, lies to fulfill her other poser friends' pleasure. that's all she could do to keep them sastisfied. they would never know what she was doing secretly, what she kept from them. no, she was sure of that. and yet, once o twice, she could have sworn she glimpsed a knowing look in their eyes when she told them she had to leave.
the worst of the storm is over, though there is still more to come.
Hurt,
the hurt was evident in her eyes as she read that piece of paper.
love or hate me,
all in all, i think it was my unlucky day for friendship today.
i have a hundred and one questions in my head right now. first of all, what's HER problem? we all know she's sucidal and all, but she doesn't exactly have to take it out on me and my VERY GOOD FRIEND right? of course in life we get depressed. i mean, i wasn't exactly my usual wacky self today right? i felt like bitching today. and i did quite an impressive amount of it, i might add. a little over my usual bitching which normally is quite little. she bloody insulted me on friday okay? she insulted me and my OTHER VERY GOOD FRIEND. in front of my bloody face. so who is to say i'm wrong to be angry? i feel hurt. that's it. i am stung by her words. so AM i ANGRY with her? to that question, i'd have to say no. maybe an inch of me twitched in anger whenever i hear her name but nothing more than that. i guess i'm still hurt by her words. i guess i'm disappointed in her. i mean me and my VERY GOOD FRIEND (the first one) agreed that we were pretty depressed today too. and i know when i'm depressed, it's when i have this feeling to spurlged my money and eat, eat, eat. even if i'm full. *tsk tsk* i need to condemn myself in silence for awhile. *silence* okay, i so need to get all this negative energy out of me. let's all do the sitting turtle position, shall we? *chuckles*
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