My mood seems to change with the weather. When skies are grey, my mood is grey; and I feel the best on sun-shiny days! I guess it's directly proportional to the weather! I've got to stop thinking about studies though. It's affecting my speech(:And I have no idea why it's affecting me either. Sometimes I think I should slap myself. But I don't really think that is the root of my melancholy either. I think it's something much bigger that I cannot comprehend. Or I can but I refuse to accept? Somehow, I think friendship is just an excuse to feel melancholic. I feel the loss of something, I just can't figure out what. And I hate that feeling.There is a solution to everything, I suppose; some we don't really want to consider. My solutions are always to get things off your chest first, talk a bunch of emotionally deep values, and then the real root of my problem will come out.I suppose it really is true that it's the little things in life that can either make you or break you. Cause in the end, all we look at is the little things; people who look at the big picture are hard to find. Well, I suppose I also hate the idea of me supposing. I prefer to know solid hard facts. Maybe one day, I'll post my meaningful conversations up(:As a friend told me once, "Or perhaps, no one can really see the true meaning of love any longer."Labels: musings
12:33 am;
Still waiting for you-
You'd think that since it's the holidays, I would have alot of free time right? Nope. Not a single thing. It's like June all over. I don't get much me time now. And how much I wish for it.
I guess, in a way, it's good too. I grow closer to other friends, affirming the support we give to one another. People from choir or debate. Our CCA friends, those who aren't supposed to be as close because they're not from our class. But then again, that thinking is stupid. CCA friends can be closer to you, because they're not as close. Perhaps you are comforted by the fact that they aren't close to your so-called close friends, and you can trust them not to spread.
"Proverbs are beautiful, isn't it? It's a little secret I carry because my other friends don't understand."
Our secret dreams and desires we tell them, merely because we know that our close friends do not approve of it or will make a mockery out of.
"My nickname hit close to the heart because I know deep down just how true it is."
In a way, CCA binds people of different statuses together. The lians, emos, goths; everyone, by their secret passion. But it's sad that people join CCA now to follow their friends and in the end, we are still as divided as ever. But then again, there is just a tiny shred of hope for us.
Oh it feels good to blog again after a one week hiatus. LOL. I contemplated on whether to delete this blog or not. For I saw no reason to keep it since nobody reads it and even in the event that they should, I have to choose words carefully so as to not stir up trouble.pretentiously academian.
Labels: musings
7:38 pm;
Still waiting for you-
I was walking down Orchard with my Grandma yesterday and the various changes we've been through suddenly made its impact known. Where my Mom once used to take my Grandma's place, she would hold my hand and take care of me. But now, instead of my Grandma taking care of me, I took care of her instead. Grandma and I walking down in companiable silence, my only regret is that I couldn't wake up to go to church with her. I knew how much she wanted me to go. I promise myself that I would definitely go the next time(: I hope I will.But it was my weekend away from practically everything. And that included the restrictions of my parents. HAHA. Even though my poor phone nearly got torn into two by my dear beloveds, at least I got to play with them. LOL. And I carried him! And fed him too! WHOOTS. I would post pictures but my Dad took the camera with him (and didn't even take any photos).BUT I LOVE YI XUAN! He's the cutest(: and I go up to see him whenever I can. His sneezes are so cute! And I'm jealous cause his skin is so soft):my beloved
Labels: musings
11:18 pm;
Still waiting for you-
The class party was held yesterday at Jacinta's house. I have to say I had a load of fun. Getting splashed by water, and then getting continuously pushed into the pool. And who could forget the many tears shed that night? Even though I didn't get to say it, I shall say it now: I shall always love this class, 2/4 of year 2006! We went through the whole lot together for this whole 2 years! A miracle that we didn't get sick of each other! We even found something to cry over as well!I shall miss the good old times, when we would be scolded by the teachers. But the times we spent together shall be but a mere memory now that this chapter of our lives have been written, and even as we speak, a new chapter has begun. So we shouldn't cry over this. Just know that the times we spent together have been treasured. Be glad that we have helped each other grow in some way.Okay, I'm being a hypocrite here! I know I will cry later on! Even if I don't cry now. I'll miss my class! I envy the Sec Ones for getting to stay with their classes for one more year! But I guess the hardest is to leave in Sec Four at graduation. Imagine that: leaving the school forever! Then moving onto a place devoid of familiar faces and warm greetings! That would be the hardest of all. And I know I will DEFINITELY cry then! But life comes and goes, I doubt that it would stop just to let us have our final moment. So we just gotta be content with what we have(: a little vodka never hurt anyone.
Labels: musings, thanks alot(:
9:10 pm;
Still waiting for you-
Today just about sucked like hell. That's what you get for being a goody-two-shoes to attend choir. Well, that sucked too (cause I nearly fell asleep and got scolded two times).Actually, you seem to realise who your real friends are after awhile. They're the ones that you laugh with, the ones that you cry with; the ones who are willing to listen, and the ones who you are willing to listen to.That means that your true friends are your soft toys(: haha!I remember the days where I used to cry to them and talk to them; even though they couldn't understand me at all. I still do actually, to a certain extent that is.Being a debater and one who loves to argue, I can tell you this truthfully from deep inside my heart: I hate skirting around issues. If it's something I think needs to be raised, then I will raise it. Avoiding it only prolongs the inevitable, and avoiding it worsens the situation. Avoiding it is equalivent to running away, and running away is a coward's way out. That's what I learnt in life. Yes, running did seem appealing to me when trouble first start. But somewhere along the way, you just realise that it's not worth running anymore. Some people just aren't worth your time.
Then you come to the conclusion that you spend your whole life sifting through the sand, dividing who are worth your time and who aren't. It gets a little dull after doesn't it? That's why I've always felt that you can rely on no one but yourself.
And: LAI XUELI! I ENVY YOU SO!i won't say the things you wanna hear.
Labels: bored, musings
9:36 pm;
Still waiting for you-